Generation or De-Generation?

There are several glaring anomalies with ourselves, with our millenial generation, which we shouldn’t be overlooking if we are genuinely serious about resolving it. Though we have many brilliant things to be proud of, to celebrate & numerous reasons to keep going but we need to introspect to realize whats wrong with our generation. This post is about one of the most struggled, most disturbing, most beautiful & most desired thing in this world: Companionship, Relationships and associated dilemmas, misjudgements, hype around it and common mistakes we make. So, lets start!

The problem with our generation is that we will keep cribbing everyday about how we are loved less and less. The solution lies in finding the answer of how much we need & we want, love in reality? This reminds me of one particular scene from one of my favourite movies: The Sunrise trilogy, in which when the actor was justifying why he always runs away from attachments, love and anything having close resembelance to it , the actress said “Isn’t everything we do in life, is to be loved a little more?” And that struck the actor and he was like DAMNNN!!! thats so TRUE!. I too feel the same.

There is one more interesting thing about human being. It will do anything in the desperation to run away from the reality. So, when the existing reality doesn’t aligns with our anticipated reality, we start exploring ways either to avoid it or to create situations to remain in denial. It doesn’t mean at all that they dont want the existing reality, it simply means that they are just not used to adjusting to the raw and real emotions of theirs and others. So, we somehow find a way to duck it, supress it. So much so that, surpressing our wants, our desire, our worldview and everything, has been and is so rampant that it becomes the part of our evolutionary process. It is deeply engrained in our sub-conscious. But why? why is it so?

For searching answer of this ‘why’ lets return back to the main theme of the post. I will use above two very interesting traits of human beings to justify my stand, later in this post. We as degeneration of our species evolutionary process, keeps seeking out love, attention and validation & other thing from the outside world, on which we have very little or no control. We keep wishing how someone should come in our life to fulfill all our fantasies about love and companionship. We keep fantasizing over the fantasies too. We all deeply wants it. There is a ‘but’ here. That is but is, when someone comes along, we start keeping that person in reserve, in waiting list, or say in the cart as we think we are not done shopping. There is a lot out there to explore. But we also dont want to loose the current options we have. So, we start doing the most terrible thing: confuse them with the possibilities, lure them close when they start drifting and push away when they start getting too close. And that person dont even have the idea whats happening and confuses it as the part of struggle one has to face to achieve their love, to prove the genuinety of their feelings. And the other person who, if once start doing such thing, they start weighing their worth against the number of persons that they have in their cart. And, Instead of so much of love out there for her/him, that person will still crib, still complain how unfortunate they are in matters of love?

Let me tell you something, which all of you know already. If we pick someone, start working on building the relationship with them, it needs commitment, dedication, loyalty, control, out of many other things too. But here also the sceptic view about everything destroys the well intended and well initiated effort. Instead of looking for the reasons to stay in the relationship, we constantly are in search of the reasons why we shouldn’t be? and that’s where all the problem lies. If someone doesn’t pays attention to you, doesn’t spent time with you, it will be problem for you & if someone does you think that to be “too good to be true” vala scene. Hence, beyond any doubt it can be said that our generation think too much and feel too little.

If a person spent too much time, constantly admires you, always texts first, care about you a lot, then also there is a problem for you. That person isn’t loyal to you: Problem. A person promises to be on your side always: problem. No love: problem. Too much love: Problem. Waits everyday for you to drop you to bus stand: problem. Anger: problem. Patience: problem. Communicates: problem. Isn’t much vocal: problem. Honesty: problem. Lies: problem. All we see is problem, problem & problem. Why are we so accustomed to overlook good things and keep focusing even on the mere possibility of any problem. Why we oversee the efforts of other person, their feeling, their intentions and everything: sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly.

I may know why? Not may, I certainly know why: We have too much options at our disposal. We feel priveleged not grateful for it. We take pride in being ‘desirable’ but we have this deep problem in our personality of which even sometimes we aren’t aware of because its so common, so prevailing all around us, to take notice of it. We keep hoping from one relationship to another instead of putting serious efforts to fix it. Yes, many a times mistake will be made by other side but that doesnt mean we should put our future relationships at risk because of past experiences. Its like not cooking a dish with the correct ingredients just because previous time when you did you somehow screwed it, even after doing every thing right or tried to do everything right.

Slowly, seeing that we have other options at our disposal, we stop making efforts and we end the possibility of a great comopanionship and a togetherness of lifetime with that person. Thats like a murder. Less visible but more bloody & much messy. There is term for this: Its called paradox of choices. It says the person who has several options at his/her disposal he/she is more prone to make the wrong choice.

So, it’s hightime that we as a generation must stop it right now. We aren’t totally at fault for this. All the movies, books social media is filled with stuffs which only romaticize the idea of falling in love and living hapily ever after. They glorify only the part where everything is good, rosy and green. What about the struggle, sacrifices, compromises, fights, waiting, insecurities & everything which is just as human as love & care. These art forms in addition to social media has very crucial role in keeping you in denial by creating a kind of comforting distraction as mentioned in the first two paragraphs. What about that stage where it gets hard, what about the stage where you find that, that spark is gone, what about the stage where, we start drifting away from each other but still hold it together by communicating with each other, forgiving each other, being emotional support system of each other, being there for each other no matter what.

You see, we all want it, we all want love & care but due to misplaced priorities, too much sceptimism, too much cynism, our tendency to shrug off repsonsibilty and unwillingness to take ownership of our own actions, wrong set of values, we somehow develop this brilliant ability to screw even with the best guy/girl who falls for us. Yet, we crib and complain. Still, keep us outside of the possibility of being in a relationship deliberately. & then again will complain & crib about not getting what we want. See its a vicious circle. We want it, we got it, we screw it, we grumble about it, we keep ourselves away from it and then again grumble about it. Sometimes we get into it, reluctantly and with full of cynicism and we find some reason to leave and this cycle goes on and on and on. & we all find ourselves trapped in the constant cycle of struggle between what we want and what we need.

We all have to change the way we all see relationships & love, for our own good and for the better world. If this will continue, then we will have a mob of emotional zombies, as every failed relationship, no matter who was at the fault or what decision either of you made, damages us in a way, we could never repair. That damage is permanent. Hence, our books, movies and other art forms have to give expression to these realities too, or we will have a generation of young capable educated people but with skewed worldview about love, relationships and life at large.

Love is the most beautiful thing a human can do and we all have to keep faith in the goodness of this world, faith in ourselves that we are worthy of that love: the kind of, for which you can fight everyone. We all are trying to make this outer world, this physical world a better place to live in, but what about the world, the little universe that lies within us. Think about it. Ugliness & Degeneration of physical world can be tolerated but of our inner self: it will eat us away, one day at a time.

Hence, let’s create the most beautiful world, inside us, in our inner self: full of hope, faith, love, care, trust, kindness and all that is good about our species. What lies outside as physical world is just a manifestation of cumalative inner selves of society. Outside physical world is nothing but a reflection of our inner self itself. Once we take care of what lies within, outside will be automatically taken care of. Let’s evolve ourselves into the best version of our species. Let’s become a defininng generation, not a de-generation.

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